smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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