Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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