someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
