No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
