He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
