they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
