Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
