I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
