When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i have herpe
just one?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
