If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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