just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
