I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
