Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
