connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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