I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
this hospital has no fireball
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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