dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
