Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
