I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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