Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
