So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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