We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
two words: eviction party
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We need to get me chipped asap
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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