Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
