I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
