Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You've changed since you got that strap on
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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