it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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