I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
