i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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