he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
