thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
