thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Mom said you looked used
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
