is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
