those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
