Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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