They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
