I think I won the penis lottery.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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