I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
