dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
