seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
