My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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