3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
there is glitter all over my balls
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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