So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
