If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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