There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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