Ambien. No doubt about it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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