I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
