Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
