well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
