I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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