this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
