I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
